Thursday, March 30, 2006

Not Healing as Fast as I Thought

A week ago, I got my first tattoo. It is a spiral on the anterior side of my left wrist. This is what it represents to me: I was raised in a religion of fear by a fearful parent, and although I have rejected almost all of the practices that went with that, I fear almost as easily as I breathe. To complicate the matter, working as a hospital chaplain for a while showed me the underside of the universe, the chaos and pain that stream to the surface of people dying senseless deaths. That kind of ripped my innocence right to shreds. And I am OCD. So I need a less than gentle reminder that a) life is happening right now whether or not I am diving into it, b) if I don't dive right in, then I am squandering time, c) good things and bad things are both part of life, and the journey continues after each, d) I cannot prevent bad from happening, e) if I hold on to this moment because it feels safe, I may be missing out on something wonderful around the next corner, and f) I need to risk more, control less, and live every moment to the fullest. If I wasn't so lazy recently, I would have taken a photo to post before it turned ugly, which it definitely is right now. Zack, the man who drilled the ink into my wrist, warned me that wrists don't heal as easily because of the constant movement and the creases in the skin, but he did not tell me there would be a HOLE in my wrist on day seven. When it finally heals, I will post a pic.


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